Swinger Glossary: Lifestyle Terms from A to Z

This glossary explains the most common words and abbreviations used in the swinging lifestyle, in plain English. Lifestyle vocabulary is informal, so meanings vary between people and countries — when a term matters, ask the person using it what it means to them. Terms are grouped alphabetically; links point to our longer guides where a topic deserves more than a line.

A–C

• Bi-curious — interested in exploring attraction to more than one gender, without necessarily identifying as bisexual.
• Bi-comfortable — comfortable being around same-sex intimacy without necessarily taking part. Often used by men on couple profiles.
• Boundaries — the limits a person or couple sets for what they will and will not do. Everyone else is expected to respect them without argument.
• Check-in — a short pause to ask a partner or new friend how they are feeling. Good lifestyle practice, especially with new people.
• Closed door / open door — at clubs, a closed door usually means a private room; an open door means others may watch but not join unless invited. Always follow the venue's own signals.
• Clothing optional — a place where you may be nude or dressed as you prefer. Common at naturist beaches and some lifestyle resorts.
• Compersion — the feeling of joy at seeing your partner happy with someone else; often described as the opposite of jealousy. See jealousy and compersion.
• Consent — clear, freely given, ongoing agreement from everyone involved, which can be withdrawn at any time.
• Couples only — an event, venue night or profile that welcomes couples but not single guests.

D–H

• Discretion — keeping other people's identities and lifestyle private. One of the lifestyle's most important values.
• ENM (ethical non-monogamy) — any relationship style where partners openly agree to romantic or sexual connections with others. Swinging, open relationships and polyamory are all forms of ENM.
• FF / MF / MM — shorthand for the genders of a couple: female/female, male/female, male/male. SwingersPlayLive uses these on member cards.
• Full swap — partners may be fully intimate with other people, within their agreed rules. See soft swap vs full swap.
• Hall pass — permission from a partner to have an experience alone, usually a one-off. Many swinging couples do not allow solo play at all.
• Hotwife — a woman in a committed relationship who, with her partner's enthusiastic agreement, dates or is intimate with others. The dynamic depends entirely on the couple's own rules.
• House rules — a venue's written rules on consent, dress code, phones, singles and behaviour. Read them before you go.

I–M

• In the lifestyle / lifestyler — being part of, or a member of, the swinging community.
• Lifestyle-friendly — a hotel, bar or resort that welcomes swingers, without necessarily being a lifestyle venue.
• Meet-and-greet — a social event, usually in a bar or restaurant, where lifestyle couples and singles meet with no sexual activity on site.
• Monogamish — a mostly monogamous couple with occasional, agreed exceptions.

N–P

• Naturism / nudism — non-sexual social nudity. The International Naturist Federation describes naturism as a way of life in harmony with nature that encourages self-respect and respect for others. Naturism is not swinging; see naturism vs swinging.
• Newbies — people new to the lifestyle. Many clubs hold newbie or newcomer nights.
• NSA — "no strings attached": a connection without expectations of a relationship.
• Off-premise — a club or party where nothing sexual happens on site; people meet socially and may continue privately elsewhere.
• On-premise — a club or party with private areas where consenting adults may be intimate on site, where the law allows it. See swinger clubs explained.
• Open relationship — a relationship where partners may see other people, often separately. Swinging is usually done together.
• Parallel play — two or more couples being intimate in the same space, each with their own partner.
• Play — lifestyle slang for being intimate with others.
• Play party — a private party where guests may be intimate on site, within the host's rules.
• Polyamory — having multiple loving, romantic relationships with everyone's knowledge. Unlike most swinging, it centres on emotional relationships.
• PrEP / PEP — HIV prevention medicines. PrEP is taken before possible exposure; PEP is emergency medicine started within 72 hours after a possible exposure. See our safety guide.

Q–S

• Same room / separate room — whether a couple only plays within sight of each other, or is comfortable being apart.
• Single female (SF) / single male (SM) — unattached people in the lifestyle. Many events have separate rules for single guests. See our guides for single women and single men.
• Soft swap — partners may be intimate with others up to an agreed limit, usually short of intercourse. The exact line varies.
• Swinging / swingers — committed partners who, together and by agreement, have social or sexual experiences with other people. See what is swinging?.

T–Z

• Takeover — an adults-only lifestyle event that books out an entire hotel, resort or cruise ship for a set period. See lifestyle travel.
• Travel mode — on SwingersPlayLive, a feature that lets members publish trip dates so people at the destination can find them.
• Unicorn — a single woman, often bisexual, who dates couples. The term comes from the idea that such women are rare; many dislike being treated as a prize, so treat people as individuals.
• Vanilla — people who are not in the lifestyle, or conventional activities in general. Not an insult.
• Veto — an agreement that either partner can end a connection with a particular person. Couples decide whether and how to use it.
• Voyeur — someone who enjoys watching. At clubs, watching is only acceptable where the venue and the people involved allow it.

Frequently asked questions

What is the difference between swinging and polyamory?

Swinging is mainly recreational and done together as a couple, with emotional intimacy kept for the main partner. Polyamory involves multiple loving relationships.

What does "the lifestyle" mean?

It is the common name for the swinging community and the social world around it: clubs, parties, travel and friendships.

Are these terms used the same way everywhere?

No. Meanings vary between people, clubs and countries, so ask when it matters — especially for boundaries like soft swap.